Today's Deep Thought

All the time we can devote to thinking about what would make us happier indicates we really have very little to be unhappy about.

Daily Jonas

While playing in his room this morning, he says suddenly, in a hushed tone:

"I sense the dragon warrior!"

This Daily Jonas brought to you by "Kung Fu Panda."

Daily Jonas

While eating a second helping of egg noodles with butter and parmesan cheese:

"These are hungry noodles!"

Feel the time

Many times over the course of my life my mother has referenced (and cried while listening to) Judy Collins' rendition of "Who Knows Where the Time Goes."

It is a poignant song, and when set to Judy Collins' angelic voice, it perfectly conveys its wistful message. As I've gotten older, I've found the jukebox of my mind selecting that song more often, and parenthood has put it into a top 25 of sorts.

Both boys are asleep right now, and it is Judy's voice I hear in my mind as I wipe the crumbs off the counter, sweep the kitchen floor, fold the laundry and tidy the house. It seems like just hours ago I was preparing for my parents' arrival and the arrival of our little Silas, who is now just shy of three weeks old.

Now, four weeks later, everyone has gone back home. Time marches forward. I wish to pause it, to feel Silas' tiny body all wet and warm in my arms for the first time. To relive that moment over and over and over, where there is only hope. Before time settles upon us with its heavy, bittersweet presence. Before.

* * *

Across the morning sky,
All the bird are leaving,
Ah, how can they know it's time to go?
Before the winter fire,
We'll still be dreaming.
I do not count the time

Who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

Sad deserted shore,
Your fickle friends are leaving,
Ah, but then you know it's time for them to go,
But I will still be here,
I have no thought of leaving.
I do not count the time

Who knows where the time goes?
Who knows where the time goes?

And I'm not alone,
When my love is near me,
And I know,it will be so,till it's time to go,
So come the storms of winter ,
and then the birds of spring again.
I do not feel the time

Who knows how my love grows?
Who knows where the time goes?

Every time we say goodbye

I have so much to write about Silas' birth and our transformation to a family of four. But the words running through my mind this morning concern my parents' departure. They are now an hour from here on the interstate, westbound and headed to Iowa. And every moment takes them further from us.

I miss them for my own sake; they have been an incredible source of help and strength for us over the past month (!) as we waited for Silas, brought him home and helped Jonas transition to our larger family. And they are also our friends; we have had terrific discussions over the past few weeks, as we always do.

But I also miss them for my children, especially Jonas. Each time he is with my family, he experiences a burst of new language and knowledge. I feel like I watch his mind grow with each passing day he spends with them. He's had more time with my family over the past month than he's ever experienced before, and the leaps I've seen in his vocabulary and communication alone in that time is stunning.

I know he isn't lonely. And with Silas growing larger by the day, in a few months he'll have a full-fledged sibling and friend to spend time with every day. But having family near enriches him so. It enriches us all.

We are alone here when it comes to blood relations, since Egidjus' brother returned to Lithuania last September. It is hard. We have a wonderful family of friends supporting us in Charlottesville; more friends than I've ever had in my life. But I feel the lack of family more palpably with each passing day.

We said goodbye to my sister Emily on Sunday, as she returned to Iowa after a week with us. And now we have said goodbye to Grandma and Grandpa. My heart aches. I was so ready to move away from Iowa when I was 21; now sometimes I feel like I'd do anything to return there. Not for the sake of that place, but for the people who live there.

Life is short. Are we wasting our time apart from the ones we love?